Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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