Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
