I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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