Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
