Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
