i permit you to call me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
