You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
