id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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