she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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