oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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