Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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