just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
