Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
