Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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