Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
