dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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