Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
