if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
