I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize