I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
