Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun

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  (805): I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun http://tfl.nu/vzxf
  Replies (1) Good night (911) Bad night (702)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.

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  (239): and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer. http://tfl.nu/xmgi
  Replies (5) Good night (567) Bad night (1884)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.

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  (410): A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis. (410): and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap. http://tfl.nu/onen
  Replies (26) Good night (1122) Bad night (2833)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.

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  (609): Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares. http://tfl.nu/trym
  Replies (37) Good night (5167) Bad night (788)
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  (646): View more from New York

  jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times

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  (646): jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times http://tfl.nu/h14v
  Replies (12) Good night (4522) Bad night (761)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.

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  (715): All I want for christmas is my sobriety back. http://tfl.nu/wb57
  Replies (8) Good night (785) Bad night (2949)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.

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  (816): My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning. http://tfl.nu/zsoe
  Replies (34) Good night (1204) Bad night (9608)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game

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  (401): You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game http://tfl.nu/zcqx
  Replies (3) Good night (2606) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.

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  (503): Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out. http://tfl.nu/zwrd
  Replies (9) Good night (3652) Bad night (767)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?

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  (541): theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house? http://tfl.nu/uvha
  Replies (12) Good night (720) Bad night (2012)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'

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  (678): You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow' http://tfl.nu/uw7w
  Replies (12) Good night (3119) Bad night (631)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.

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  (443): I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again. http://tfl.nu/sx09
  Replies (1) Good night (554) Bad night (302)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite

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  (416): drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite http://tfl.nu/pmot
  Replies (7) Good night (494) Bad night (238)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.

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  (361): Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here. http://tfl.nu/s5oa
  Replies (16) Good night (306) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold

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  (701): And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold http://tfl.nu/d5yp
  Replies (8) Good night (985) Bad night (179)

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