Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (109) Good night (40893) Bad night (2426)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something? http://tfl.nu/rkwq
  Replies (29) Good night (841) Bad night (3638)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts http://tfl.nu/kozn
  Replies (11) Good night (4235) Bad night (1195)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums. http://tfl.nu/0487
  Replies (37) Good night (7566) Bad night (1710)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?! http://tfl.nu/kaoo
  Replies (21) Good night (5667) Bad night (1328)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales? http://tfl.nu/gvx1
  Replies (30) Good night (6988) Bad night (940)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo? http://tfl.nu/uk9c
  Replies (33) Good night (3422) Bad night (3744)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.

  (631): View more from New York

  i got hit in the ear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby. (631): i got hit in the ear. http://tfl.nu/qr8z
  Replies (6) Good night (2460) Bad night (1231)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Houston, we have a blender

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Houston, we have a blender http://tfl.nu/azdt
  Replies (4) Good night (2352) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went? http://tfl.nu/hldx
  Replies (8) Good night (751) Bad night (1383)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/4u1i
  Replies (6) Good night (1252) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland. http://tfl.nu/1rj2
  Replies (3) Good night (1967) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas. http://tfl.nu/msox
  Replies (0) Good night (712) Bad night (395)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual. http://tfl.nu/zw2q
  Replies (1) Good night (549) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Right now you and beer are my only friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Right now you and beer are my only friends. http://tfl.nu/g9ok
  Replies (1) Good night (143) Bad night (86)

Randomize