I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
