I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You've changed since you got that strap on
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome