My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper