no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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