I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
