How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
