.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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