It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
