Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
