What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize