I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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