I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
