I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
