I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
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he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
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Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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