So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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