SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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