She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
