Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
