And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
