its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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