dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
