Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
