I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
