We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
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I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
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I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize