i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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