I just pynch a tree in the face
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
