When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
