yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing