best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.