i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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