im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
