Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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