its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
