I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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