She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
