soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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