she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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