i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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