It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
