Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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