Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
