Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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