she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
