I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
