I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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