i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
from now on my penis is your penis
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
