I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
