you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Panties = found
Randomize
